New Years Revolution

Here I sit with two more days to go before I start off on the journey of another 365 days of lying to myself, better known as New Year’s resolutions.

These are my top 5 (previously failed) resolutions and how I’m going to keep them in ’10.

Develop 6 Pack Abs:

Why is this the first resolution that so many of us choose to pick for the New Year? Especially when we’ve decided upon this lofty goal while eating a huge slice of Jamaican rum cake (or maybe I’m the only one that does that).

It’s just not in the genes for me to have a 6pack (unless it’s Pabst Blue Ribbon). Even as a skinny kid, I had a gut like a starved Ethiopian. The only thing missing from my summer pictures as a child was the flies.

This year is going to be different. I’m going to have 6pack abs by summer 2010. It’s going to happen his time because I’m saying it while drinking tea. No Jamaican rum cake. No potato chips nearby.

Another reason I know I’ll be successful in this endeavor is, I learned a lot about eating right in 2009. In my previous attempts at a slimmer waistline, I only did crunches. I didn’t run; I ate at McDonald’s 3 times a week and I wondered daily why I wasn’t getting the results I wanted. Hmmmm??

Save $$:

This has been on the resolution lineup for most of my adult years. I just checked my savings account and I have .44. FAIL!

If I stick to eating right to meet the abs goal (above) and budget my weed, saving money this year shouldn’t be a problem.

Go Back To School:

TV is ruining America. Let me correct that, Late Night Infomercial TV is ruining America. Carleton Sheets, Better Trades, Dean Graziosi, John Beck, Russ Dalbey are all responsible for providing false hope to those of us that never make it off the couch.

In my blunt haze, I usually find myself weighing the options of going back to school or spending the money on a course that’ll get me rich quick. In reality, I’m getting the course hawkers rich(er).

To recap, I still have .44 in my savings account. Going back to school should make it to my list of To-Do’s for 2010, right after I put all of my infomercial courses on EBay to pay for the first semester.

Volunteer:

Okay, this is probably the toughest one of all. I was a volunteer for Big Brother/Big Sister and during that timeframe it hit me like a ton of bricks – I don’t really like kids; especially bad kids from single family homes.

I’ll have to switch my volunteer efforts to Habitat for Humanity for 2010. This way it’ll be a win-win. I can volunteer and learn a trade at the same time.

Be an Example:

Okay, WTF does that mean? Notice I didn’t say be a good example.  I’m just going to work on being an example and live the life that I want. I’m going to strive to be the best I can be. In this case, it’ll be the best porn watching, pot smoking loner stoner ever. Oh, and I’m going to look good doing it.

Bring on 2010.